Where Am I and How Did I Get Here?

I am not lost on a road trip, well not literally. Somehow the road map of my life got a bit muddled this week. I am still not sure how I ended up in this sad and lonely place again.

Hearts are funny things. They don't always listen to what the mind wants. Nor do they obey direct orders very well. Sometimes, despite protective measures, the heart gets bruised. Battered. Trampled. Hurt.

Some people believe the solution is to turn their hearts to stone. Others pretend their hearts are coated in teflon, the hurts magically slide away. Neither solution is all that healthy. Hearts, with all their foibles and follies, are meant to be open.

Even if hurts find the way in.

Stuck in the Muck

I am probably the last person who would quote a bible verse in my blog, but this one is stuck in my head and it seems quite appropriate.

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16

Problem is my crossroads seem to have a plethora of mud and muck and quite frankly I am stranded in it. My feet and possibly my heart are finding it difficult to even lean in any direction. My brain is whirling with what if's, should I's, and can I's.

Just make a decision. Throw the dart at the targets and see what happens. Spin the wheel and see where it stops. DO SOMETHING

Otherwise when the mud dries, I am going to be stuck.

Illusions

Some days hope and happiness seem so tangible - I can, with the merest whisper of movement, feel their blessings.

But not right now. They are clouded, misty, an hazy and cruel illusion.

Life is hard.